Alex is in the shower and I’m just chilling in his room…literally chilling cuz it’s cold as fuck in here. lmao. I guess last night, he went through my tumblr and read all my posts. I used to be in such a dark place before him and I got together, like cutting and depression and just a general hatred for myself with thoughts of suicide almost every night. But now I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
You know what sucks about birthdays? Having to update all your social media profiles.
Usually, I start a countdown in October for my birthday, but this year, I didn’t even bother. I am having a hard time accepting the fact that I’m gonna be 25 this year. I’m not really sure why. I know not much is actually gonna change, but I just feel different about it. I didn’t want to be 23 or 24 either, but 25 is totally different. I can’t imagine how I’ll feel when I turn 30. I’ll be in my mid-20s next week, while my boyfriend just started his 20s. lol It doesn’t help that every person keeps reminding me that I’m gonna be a quarter of a century old. Where the fuck did my teenage years go? Damn, I still wish I was 16 sometimes. Well maybe 17. I knew Alex when I was 17.
Well there’s a big storm coming and I can’t wait. It’s already thundering. I love storms. I wish Alex was here though. He loves storms too, but he’s at work. I’m hoping he doesn’t stay there forever, he already hates it there and is pretty much killing himself from how hard it is there. But, he’s stubborn just like me and will stay there as long as they’ll let him.
Happy 33rd Birthday Isaac Hanson!!
I deleted old posts about Marc and the pain he caused me. Most people would leave them so they can see how far they’ve come. I KNOW how far I’ve come. I know how much I’ve grown up. I’ve been hurt over and over by the same guy for over 10 years. I constantly believed something was wrong with me because I had been single for 6 1/2 years. I HATED myself. I don’t want to be reminded of him anymore. But now that I’m in a healthy and amazing relationship, I don’t feel that way anymore. There is nothing wrong with me and I didn’t deserve everything I went through. Most people say that in order to love someone else, you have to love yourself first. Well, I think it took someone else to love me to for me to love me. I just truly wish it wouldn’t have taken me 10 years to see how special I am. I should’ve given up on Marc a long time ago. Maybe I wouldn’t have hated myself so much. I just spent too much time on him. Now I can devote my attention to Alex, who deserves my heart/attention way more than Marc ever did. Alex and I just ‘get’ each other. I never have to worry about whether or not he’s gonna talk to me today. I never have to wonder if he’s thinking of me. It’s just really nice to know that I have someone who cares about where I am and what I’m doing and will support me no matter what. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted.
I love this man so much. He’s my everything. He’s my heart and soul. He’s my world and universe. I just hope I’m as good to him as he is to me. :) <3
I nearly bit my tongue off. I think I bit through it. According to Alex, there was blood everywhere. Now it’s really sore and swollen. I had to spend the night in the hospital, but thankfully this time, Alex stayed with me over night. I’m really glad he stayed with me because the last time, when he left, I got really scared and cuddled with his shirt and Mountain Dew bottle. Plus, I ended up texting Marc before Alex even left the hospital. I mostly did it out of habit, but it was really fucking stupid on my part. I could’ve lost Alex forever. I’ve almost lost Alex quite a few times over the last few weeks because of my past and the stupid shit I’ve done in it. I hope I don’t lose him. I love him.
I feel really bad because today was Alex’s and my 3 month anniversary and I feel like I ruined it because I couldn’t eat and I have a hard time talking. Plus, I didn’t even buy him anything. He says he doesn’t mind, but I know how stupid I sound. I tried to make myself look really pretty so that he would oversee my speech impediment. I hope it worked, but every time I talked, I felt like looking pretty just wasn’t enough.
For our 3 month, Alex took me out to the movies, and bought me a dozen roses, my favorite chocolates, and a beautiful dolphin necklace to go along with my dolphin ring. How did I get so lucky? I know I don’t deserve him, so I’m doing everything in my power to be as good to him as I can. I’m so scared to lose him. I worry that if I have another seizure, he’ll just be like, ‘this is too much,’ and leave. I mean, I kinda know he wouldn’t, but I still get scared. He’s perfect.
His birthday is in about 2 weeks. I know what I wanna get him, I just can’t find it. Hopefully I can find some version of what I want. It may not be exactly what I want, but hopefully he’ll understand the significance of it.
Well I need to go to bed. Time to cuddle with my baby. :)
Best.Boyfriend.Ever. I love him so much. It combines my two favorite things, a heart and a dolphin. The most important thing is that it is a gift from Alex. How did I get so lucky? 6 months ago, I never would’ve dreamed I’d find a man to love me, let alone someone as perfect as he is. He completes me. He supports me and comforts me and is everything I ever hoped for. I love you Alex. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Yay I have 50 followers! Thank you guys so much for following me even though I am not that interesting. lmao :)
Well, on Tuesday, my little baby nephew, Hunter, started kindergarten. I cried way more than he did. But, at least he didn’t beg me to stay or fight to go in class. He did very well his first week.
I’m still with the most amazing man ever, Alex. I love him so much. I’m so happy we are together. I can’t believe we didn’t see how alike we were beforehand. He’s the type of man that girls dream about when they try and come up with the perfect husband. Hell, he’s more than perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing about him. He’s caring, compassionate, and thoughtful. Plus, he’s very cute. :) But that’s just a bonus. I can’t see myself with anyone better. I’m in love. Completely. And not just ‘want to be in love’ love, but actual love. Like I could see myself marrying this man and having his babies. :)
Got rid of my car today. :( I’ve had it since like 2006. I loved the car. I kinda neglected it as of late, but it still sucked getting rid of it. I’ll miss you little Topaz. 1993-2013 Hopefully it’s in a better place. Lol